A Letter To My Husband…

Husband,

It’s been 8 years since I first started seeing you.. crazy. Looking back 8 years ago… hahaha I never pictured my life where it is now. I never pictured marrying you, as I was 17 and you were 22. You were older, into things I wasn’t old enough to be into. You were wiser (never mind that was me.) But in all seriousness, over the past years we have had lows, even lowers, and highs and the high is what I live for.

You always ask me what I love about you.

I love the way when I am have a spaz attack moment you either a. giggle which actually makes me even more mad in the moment, or b. you hold me until I calm down.

I love that you try so hard to be the best husband and father we could ask for.

I love your laugh, your sincere laugh. Like watching Rodney Carrington at night laugh. It makes me smile.

I love the way you have to tell me every time you pooped. (okay I actually could care less about that.)

I love when you sing and play guitar its soothing.

I love it that you try to get me to go do things for myself.

I love it that even after we were married you continued to randomly ask me if I’d marry you.

I love that you are predictable (half the time I know exactly what you are going to say or what you want.)

Husband. You make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me cry, and you truly make me love you everyday.  I look forward to you coming home from work and telling me about your day. I look forward to hearing your laugh and smart comments you like to make because you think you are oh so funny. You truly are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to be old and grey with you sitting in rocking chairs on our front porch complaining about how our neighbors need to trim there shrubs or mow there lawn.

I want to date you over and over again. I never want to lose that spark and if we do I want to never forget how to ignite it again.

We argue, we agree to disagree but no matter what at the end of the day I will always chose you. You are my rock. My best friend. My everything.

 

I Love You.

When I Became a Mom:

I normally can’t tell strangers my story of the first time I became a mommy, without me getting some kind of bull crap look that immediately makes me want to throat punch them because well they don’t know me, they don’t know the non sense I dealt with the depression the self esteem issues, that is still taking day by day to be a positive, strong, and self positive person; but, most of all its the statistical category they throw me into. I wasn’t exactly ready to take on little person when I could barely take care of myself. I had no idea what I was getting into when I became pregnant, well no one does and I learned that over the years and having 2 more children, everything is different with every pregnancy.

So, lets dive back 11 years ago and talk about my “Bug” (if you didn’t read my about page I don’t ever say my kids real names I use the nicknames we call them daily) I was 13 when I got pregnant, I had no idea what to do, what to say. I hid my pregnancy pretended I didn’t know. I think I was in more of a denial stage. My family and I went to Florida to Disney I was riding all the rides and feeling great. I was young looking back I would of never rode rides I would of never did half the things I did back then. Finally, my mom found out not by me either she had a suspicion because I was getting a little chubbier. I was 14 at this point. At this point my family new everything.

Abortion wasn’t even a option for me, as for me and what I believe in I could never forgive myself. Adoption however it was an option, I was actually at the adoption agency looking at beautiful families that want there own precious baby. I had a couple in mind, but first things first I had to get a sonogram. My first doctor appointment was ridiculously scary and I didn’t know what to say or do; but it went well baby was healthy and they sent me on my way to the hospital. I had a long wait in the waiting room the emotions that flooded me and my mom were scary and it was the lowest point in my life not knowing what to do. Finally, we were in the ultrasound room, I was laying on the chair and they caught a glimpse of this sweet, beautiful little boy. I was 6 months pregnant by that time and he was so healthy and I was screaming with joy on the inside, at least I did something right.

Time froze I didn’t know what to say or do so I cried, I looked over at my mom and she was crying too. I couldn’t do it at that time I couldn’t give this baby up no matter what the circumstances were he was mine, I couldn’t do it. I told my mom and she gave me a long speech and told me if I keep this baby I can’t flunk out of school I cant go out with my friends all the time, and I certainly need a job. Agreed! When, I was 9 my mom was in a car accident and became paralyzed from the chest down. So, together we were gonna do this. I have 2 younger brothers Z is 22 now and R is 18. Fast forward past the middle school heart breaks and how hard it was being in 8th grade and carrying around a pregnant tummy… we will get on that topic another day.

August 31st 2007, I gave birth to a beautiful 6lb 14 oz 21 in little boy. He was beautiful and I was so scared but motherhood it runs in my veins. So, with my mom, and aunt helping me bring this child into the world and a waiting room full of a great support system he came and he cried and it was the loudest cry I have ever heard. Bug and I had our ups and downs his mommy is a young mommy, at the age of 25 now and Bug is almost 11. I am not only proud of the little boy I raised but I am proud of myself for not letting statistics beat me. I made something of myself, I am married to a wonderful man that loves Bug so much as if he was his own. Bug is such a active little man (when I say little I legit mean he’s a little shorter than the rest of his classmates but we will sprout up soon) He excels in everything he does and I really don’t know where he got that from. But together we learned its not about what people think or what they say its about you, I know my worth and I know my roots and I will always stand by that.